


Us Fools

by Azure (Fancy_Ravenclaw)



Series: Phanfichallenge Songfics [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 00:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15785244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fancy_Ravenclaw/pseuds/Azure
Summary: It all went too fast and came to an abrupt halt with seven softly spoken words.





	Us Fools

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Phandom Writing Challenge 7: the Songfic challenge. Song: Fools by Lauren Aqualina. Beta’d by the amazing [Jasmine](http://twitter.com/fiveby_five).

“We can’t keep going on like this.”

It was out of the blue. A blow of a hammer smashing into what was left of their fragile relationship. It had them both stopping dead in their tracks and retreating into themselves. They were quiet, the fight was over, and each went to a different room. 

They had never been good at ‘talking it out’, usually settling for leaving the truth somewhere in the middle; apologising and moving on. Never had either of them said something like this before and they had both felt the impact in their gut. Phil lay curled up on their bed, pulling Dan’s pillow to him and holding onto it for dear life. He knew Dan was right but taking in the familiar smell of his boyfriend he could not find it within himself to accept it.

Seven years of friendship.

Two years of dating.

They went wrong somewhere, took a left where they should’ve taken a right, and maybe this turn was the one they took when they went from being friends to being boyfriends. He couldn’t imagine being without the person he loved most. The person whose smile lit up his life. The person he imagined himself growing old with. Dan was probably in the other room going over the same things in his head and maybe he had already come to a conclusion. Maybe he was going to come in any minute now to break it all into tiny little pieces in front of Phil’s eyes. 

Instead, something even worse happened. Phil heard the front door open and close and a heavy silence descended upon the house. Against his better judgement he still found himself roaming the rooms of the house for a sign of Dan where he knew he wouldn’t find one. He seemed to have taken nothing but his phone which gave Phil some sort of inkling of hope, which he desperately tried to hold onto as the day progressed. 

He texted Dan, ‘I’m sorry’, but didn’t get a response. As a last resort he called his mum, knowing that she couldn’t put him back together, but she could try. He lay on the sofa, tears soaking the cushions, as his mum talked to him for hours. She was doing her best, but all Phil was hearing were the echoes of her voice bouncing off the walls in the empty apartment. There was no soft piano playing coming from the bedroom. No opening cabinets in the kitchen. No quiet laughing from the gaming room. 

At some point just before dawn Phil fell asleep. He hadn’t moved from his spot on the sofa and when he woke up a mere two hours later he stayed there. His eyes stayed glued to his phone screen, desperate for a sign, any sign, of life from Dan. Any acknowledgment of what they still had. 

He didn’t get up until his phone died and he had to go looking for a charger. Dan’s was on the table but Phil couldn’t bring himself to take it and before he knew it he was already crying again. He made some sort of an attempt to clean himself up in the bathroom mirror, splashing water on his face and running a helpless hand through his hair. 

Any inclination towards self-preservation was out the door. He spent the day on the floor where his phone was charging and stayed there even after his phone was at 100%. He didn’t eat, drink or sleep, only just dragging himself to the bathroom every couple of hours. Dan was completely MIA. He didn’t respond to any of Phil’s pleading messages and didn’t have any presence on social media. Instagram confirmed that he had not been online since the day before.

His mum called him again, but Phil didn’t pick up. He couldn’t find his voice or the willpower to make any sort of sound. 

When the doorbell rang at eleven that night Phil almost thought he was imagining it. He’d half dozed off, head in an uncomfortable position against the wall and phone still clutched in his hand. It wasn’t until the doorbell rang a second time that he grabbed the armrest of the sofa and pulled himself to his feet. He didn’t want to give himself false hope but every fibre of his being was aching for Dan and pulling him to the front door.

Dan looked just as dishevelled as his boyfriend. He clearly had not slept and was wearing the same clothes as the day before; that dumb Kanye West jumper that Phil loved to hate.   
“I’m sorry.” Phil said.

“No.” Dan responded. He pushed past him into the apartment and led them into the lounge. “I meant it.”

The words almost knocked Phil to his knees. He couldn’t manage any sounds, just a shaky breath that conveyed everything he felt better than anything he couldn’t say. 

“I love you,” Dan said softly, “but something needs to change.”

“I can change.” 

“I don’t want you to.”

Phil finally looked up and faced Dan, their eyes meeting somewhere in the space between them.

“We need to change. Us. Not you, not me.”

“What do you mean?”

“For seven years we ran smoothly and we were happy. Something changed then, we started dating.”

“You want to go back to being friends?”

Dan bit his lip and broke their eye contact.

“Dan.” He reached out and took his boyfriend’s hand.

“I want to stop trying so hard.”

“A relationship means trying.”

“We’ve been trying so hard to be in a relationship that we’ve lost sight of who we are together.”

They were both quiet for a moment as Phil processed this.

“I spent all night trying to find a way to put how I feel into words, and that is the closest I think I’m going to get.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I want us to take off the label ‘boyfriends’ and go back to basics. I want us to be how we are naturally. I want to kiss you and hold your hand without feeling like I need to make a performance of it. I want to do it for the sake of it.”

Despite the cold glass that seemed to be coursing through his veins, Phil understood. He knew what Dan was describing, this performance they had been putting on since the moment they had officially started dating. Before that, they had just done what felt right, but the tag ‘boyfriends’ had come with requirements in their minds and neither of them had fit into that circle but they had felt like they had to so they’d pretended. It was stressful and tiring when all Phil had really wanted was to have someone to come home to.

“Let’s just be you and me then.” He said.

Dan’s eyes widened as he nodded, “You know what I mean?”

“Yes. I didn’t know I knew till you put it into words just now. But I know.”

When Dan pulled him into a hug everything melted away. That familiar warm smell of home and love and everything Phil couldn’t quite describe but that made Dan Dan. 

Phil couldn’t imagine his life without him, and he didn’t have to.


End file.
